As it was, I realized that I had to face life with this new perspective. I believe I was blessed to have this wonderful man enter my life, even if I wasn't ready for him when he did. I struggled against the darkness that still haunted me, and sometimes it would win despite my efforts. There was a point, early in our relationship, where I felt so undeserving of anyone's love, that I acted in a way that should have guaranteed the loss of his. It was the moment I realized that I could not live without him, and though it was very hard work, together we were able to pull out of that darkness that threatened to swallow me whole. He stayed by my side, supported and loved me and I will be forever grateful. I am who I am now because he allowed me to be me then.
Almost a year later, while house sitting for his sister in Atlanta, we discovered that I was pregnant. I, of course, burst into tears feeling all the emotions I went through during my crisis hitting me in one quick shot. He took my face in his hands and said "Hey, wait a minute- THIS is an amazing thing, and we are going to be great." I looked at him and realized he was right, and that this child would be OURS. This child, and this man, they were my gift from God, for doing what was right for my son. And once again, I had faith that everything would be alright.